Doughnuts Are Endgame

Don't trust people who don't likedoughnuts. Or "donuts" whatever spelling works but I'm trying to get back to the original spelling of the word myself since finding out that we only use the short hand version (donuts) because of Dunkin Donuts. America does not run on Dunkin and neither shall I thanks.

But seriously, people who don't like donuts are problematic. They're not happy with life and are in denial. I don't form meaningful relationships with non-doughnut supporters. I use to joke that if someone didn't like doughnuts then we wouldn't get along but now it's actually a thing that's taken form in my life. Whether I was doing it unconsciously, I don't seem to go past being acquaintances with non-doughnut supporters. That's the crazy part I want to joke about even now in this post but I find it kind of crazy that it seems to be my reality. I've noticed that there about three people around my life that don't like doughnuts at all and I don't talk to them unless I run into them. Others I know talk to them and we've hungout with the same people but that's it.

How can we really call ourselves friends if we can't eat doughnuts at 1:38 in the morning? I don't mess with these people. I have no bail money for them. I don't harbor that kind of negativity in my life.

I don't hate people that don't like doughnuts but if we just met and I want to see what you're like, I will ask you certain questions like:

"What TV shows do you watch?"

"How do you feel about Ellie Goulding?" (The answer has to be positive or else)

"Do you like Doughnuts?" You don't have to eat them everyday, any day, or anymore. You just need to answer the question. There's no maybe, or kind of, or not really. It's a simple yes or no question. If you're questioning it, then guess what? You've never had truly transcendent, amazing, and just beautifully made doughnuts before and that's sad for you and your life. I will pray for you and if you want, I can take you to a doughnut shop or three. No, it won't be Krispy Kreme and it definitely won't be Dunkin Donuts. If I want an original glazed doughnut, I will go to KK because they do a great simple glaze that's airy and capable of being inhaled in 2 seconds, which is life goals. But I don't vibe with their non-glazed doughnuts. If it's free, I'll take it and eat what I can from it but in general, they're just so sad... Dunkin Donuts is a place I will go and eat their pumpkin, blueberry, or Boston Creme doughnut because those are actually better than any KK versions. Dunkin is far from the best though. You honestly have to go to actual doughnut shops that aren't huge chains to get the real value of a doughnut. 

I will look at you oddly if you go to Dunkin for a glazed doughnut. Who upset you? Why are you hurting yourself like this? If you really want to test a friendship, ask if they eat doughnuts from the Walmart bakery. That's a call for immediate unfriending and disassociation. I take Walmart doughnuts as an attempt on my life if you buy them for me. It's a threat. Publix is better if you want a grocery store bakery doughnut. But again, An actual doughnut shop is key to really knowing what doughnuts are meant to be. I'm fine with substitutions from Kripsy Kreme, Dunkin Donuts, and Publix from time to time, but I know better than to think that they're doughnuts are end all be all in the doughnut realm. (Bet you didn't think I took this so seriously did you? I do, but I'm also trying to not sound so serious. I don't think it's working)

Still, to not be basic, you have to go to an actual doughnut shop that specializes in doughnuts on a small scale. Maybe they have 1 to 5 locations because they're making epic doughnuts in your area. These are the ones to go out and eat. Check reviews of course because any place operating under a 3 star rating isn't worth your time. You don't love yourself if you eat anywhere under 3 stars. Any doughnut place that operates under 4 is a bit sketch for me personally but I'm willing to try it after stalking the places pictures for an hour. 

Back to the point of being friends with people who don't like doughnuts. You should watch them. Even if they're hardcore healthy people who workout and have the body that everyone wants, a doughnut will not kill them. It won't immediately make them gain all of the weight they ever lost back. No one is asking them to eat a doughnut a day or to eat a doughnut a year. They just need to be able to say that even if they don't eat doughnuts anymore, they at least still liked them and knew that they were amazing. There are vegan doughnuts. I have never had one, but I am willing to try them. There's one about a half hour away I will try at some point. I'll review it when I do.

IDK, I just think doughnuts are life and some of the best things on earth when made correctly. I've tried making them twice and they didn't come out like I wanted either way, but one day, I will master it and own my own doughnut truck. 

If you don't respect doughnuts, then you don't respect my life choices.

(That moment where you've finished the post and realized you might have a worse doughnut problem than you thought but it's too late.)

Buy the Krispy Kreme yearly calendar and download the app for free doughnuts. That is all.