Sometimes it's hard to know exactly who we are or who we want to be. One minute you think you know yourself and the next you're letting others define you because they love you. Not like you should love yourself. No, that's too easy. Who truly does? Who's actually 100 percent okay with who they are? Maybe people are but I assume they're lying because as a human being, we're perfectly imperfect. We can be okay with ourselves most of the time but maybe not all of the time. We don't let ourselves be vulnerable because vulnerability is perceived to be weakness when in reality it's a sign of strength because who can let themselves be torn down only to be built back up stronger after letting everything that's hurt them go.
It's okay to lay in your bed for day because you're tired. It's okay to be unsure. It's okay to cry and be confused because one day it'll all work out and it'll all make sense. I say this as if everyone who's ever felt like they didn't know how to get back on track made it. Some people will forever be lost to the woods while the rest of us will make our way back to the pavement in due time. We'll be the ones who made it and that's a suck-y feeling to know that someone else never made it back from what you think is your lowest point.
You've got to let yourself break if that's what feels right. We can only hold stuff in for so long. It's why they say to beware the quiet ones. Those people hold everything in and shut down because they don't want to show others what it's like for them to not be happy. I can be one of these people and it's not healthy to hold everything in all the time with no release. You can lash out on others. You can internally explode and find yourself screaming at the top of your lungs at 3 AM away from others.To not say what you mean or correct others around you when your thoughts are louder than anything they'll ever tell you to believe should be a crime.
Sometimes you need to break that mold. Speak your mind. Tell the truth no matter what the consequences may be for once. Give yourself 24 hours to destroy any egos around you because what else can you expect when you're telling people how you feel? Don't be mean, be honest. If it comes off as mean, then talk through it and figure out what's got the other person so triggered.
Sugarcoating only gets us so far.
If you don't like something, say why you don't like it. This isn't the time to justify a cruelness like being racist, homophobic, or anything else deplorable. Those things are deeply rooted issues that you have to change as a person if you want to be respected in society and a certain kind of therapy can help you with that.
What I'm talking about is a way to be chaotically different in the best way. If you don't want to do something because you don't feel like it. Say that exactly. It's not up to anyone else to understand what you want, but you can be clear.
If you don't feel comfortable somewhere or with someone, say it. It's hard and its scary because we don't want to let others down. We put their needs and wants before ours when in reality it should be the other way around. If the two seem to cross then everybody wins, but if they don't, then tough luck.
Don't feel like you have to have an excuse for everything. Feeling should be enough and valid in times where they usually aren't. Feeling obligated to be with someone, go somwhere, act a certain way, or lie to yourself is so toxic. So self destructive that some of us willingly particpate in it despite knowing better.
Don't hold onto people if they don't want to hold onto you.
Distance can be a God send to mend relationships and sometimes you need to grow more as a person before you're able to understand someone else fully. Taking a step back puts everything into perspective. Maybe you're holding on to old loves and wishes.
It's a cliche, but too true, to ask that if you died tomorrow, would you be pissed or at peace? I'm guessing 95% of people would be pissed. I'm one of those people. There's too much to live for and too much to say and do to be so caught up in the bullshit of it all. (Excuse the hardcore cussing?)
Be yourself please.
If anything, be yourself to piss everyone else off. If they don't like it, that's unfortunate.
Don't hold onto people if they don't want to hold onto you. Yes, I know I put this there twice.
Be yourself and let yourself break if only to get your shit together after.
As Frou Frou says in my current favorite song,
"So let go,
and jump in,
oh well whatcha waiting for?
It's all right,
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown"
